I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
