A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
