She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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