im gay
i know
yea but for you.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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