im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
