there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
