After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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