her vagine was all disorganized.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
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I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
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I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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