:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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