I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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