i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
pop tarts are not kleenex
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
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