so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
