I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
