Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize