Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize