Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
