do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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