If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
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The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
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I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
A+ Viking dick
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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