i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
