There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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