Dual....:-)
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
