im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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