Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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