Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
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I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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