I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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