I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
