Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
