It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
