Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
