having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
