oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
