no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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