ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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