the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
