Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I think my moral compass just broke
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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