Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
