Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
