just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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