Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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