I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
