R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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