i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Damn victory sex feels great
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