can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
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Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
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TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
So vagazzling was a success
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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