I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
