your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
50% drunk capacity currently
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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