i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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