Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
