yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
