Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
