If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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