put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
