And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
