Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
