I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
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I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
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He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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