Its about making memories worth repressing
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
