I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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