I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
is it fun? or sober?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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