my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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