Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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