After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
