WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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