those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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