It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
