his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
