sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
