I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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