cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
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