You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
