I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
