He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
