I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
