We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
