Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
