he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
