remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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