your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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